Wednesday 26 March 2014

Computers, Hat Stands and Chaos Theory

The Ghost Writer has been in his grey office today looking at three new computers, he does not really like new computers because he is old and confused, slow and full of dents which means he has a natural affinity with old computers as they too are generally confused, slow and full of dents. He has also noticed that the company that he buys all the computers from have a habit of phoning him up and being all chirpy saying they will help. Now you might think that is very helpful and kind, but it is apparently rather irritating to log onto a site only to have a nice man phone you up fifteen seconds later, smiling (the Ghost Writer is assuming he is smiling) and offering to help.  It is like going into a large shop full of exciting and interesting stuff only to have someone sneak up behind you before you have even had a chance to look at the first thing rubbing his hands and saying OOOOOooooo yes sir this is a lovely Victorian Lemur hat stand and then saying things like Well yes sir the lemur is a BIT MOTH eaten but it’s eyes do follow you round the room….  As it happens a hat stand that has eyes that follow you round a room is not a strong selling point, nor is, I suspect is a group of Manky Stuffed Juggling Lemurs with a lingering look suggesting they may wish to hold your hat . . . .(or return to the jungle)



As many of you know the School Mascot is The Goat, which enjoys nothing more that being catapulted into the out of town supermarket for a bit of a run about in the fresh veggies before it escapes one way or another and returns to school well fed and perky after an exciting trip out.  However over the last couple of years many of you have been sceptical that a goat once catapulted in through the skylight of a huge supermarket could evade capture, escape and return back to the school without arousing suspicion. Well while listening to the wireless this morning I heard an article that stated Goats have been found to be far more intelligent that first thought. This I feel shows the world of Knowledge, Wisdom and Science that it needs to buck its ideas up pronto and read my blog more, the sooner the nice Mr Steven Spielberg makes the block buster movie the better for mankind is what I would say, well I would if it was not for the fact I am rather a modest genius who likes to keep his light under a bushel (I know it’s the English language, it is full of silly sayings).


I have also discovered that introducing a large lizard as a random element while working on the mathematics of Chaos Theories in the maths class causes chaos. The mathematics teacher did say that as a practical example of how The Chaos Theory works it was extremely good, but as an aid to a theoretic discussion of the mathematical principles involved in Chaos Theory it was rubbish, and a large group of screaming girls has fused his hearing aid.    

8 comments:

  1. I like shiny new things, like computers and pointy sticks, but am not so fond of lemur hat racks, because they are almost never new or shiny, and speaking of shiny I'm glad the story eventually included a lizard or I was going to have to discuss with you the rather obvious difference between lemurs and lizards, and lastly I commented on your rather objectionable blogging at the latest A-Z post and I think they might have missed my jab in your particular direction.

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    1. Hello Mr Flip I have been to the A to Z now and commented on your comment. I love a good duel with pointy sticks at twenty paces. . . . OK three paces, twenty paces with pointy sticks is known as waving at each other.

      As it happens that whole Adult content issue on the world stage is just too complex and I think it may be best just to let folk run away when they are not happy , , , , , My blog is I hope very very adult content safe although that does not prevent me confusing folk a bit. . . . I like doing that.

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  2. For the rest of my life when I hear about "fused hearing aids" I wiLL think of this story almost verbatim. Of course I don't recaLL ever using the word tim as a verb. The first person I could think of was Timmy from the Lassie teleBision show from a few years ago, so in this case the word tim could mean "owned a dog", so the sentence "He owned a German Shepherd" could also be spoken as "He timmed Rin Tin Tin."

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    1. I always get old father tim and old father time mixed up I blame the entire thing on E= MC squared.

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    2. At least we know what the square root of E equals.

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    3. Very true, I bet Einstein never thought of that.

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  3. A small ball-peen hammer and some time working out your frustrations may do wonders to make those new computers slow and full of dents. Make the world conform to you.

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    1. But I rather like a non conformist world. And the Ghost Writers boss might just get a bit upset at the sight of a small ball-peen hammer tapping away at the side of shiny new PC's

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