Friday 10 January 2014

Forty Aliens and a Funeral . . . . .

I know what you are all thinking, you are thinking OK then what happened to all those Toad People from the Planet Todimimiun 3, and it is a fair point, but little do you know just what a close call it was. Firstly the huge Aurora Borealis as predicted on Stargazing Live by Professor Brian Cox and his sidekick  Dara O Briain did not happen, so the main battle fleet fled. Then as we fought the few (about forty) fool hardy Toad People who attempted to invade in the early hours of the morning in the school canteen, with pointy sticks and Freddie’s Ferrets, Esmeralda threw a huge cauldron of tapioca pudding over their leader. Well it appears I am not the only one who thinks tapioca pudding looks like frogs spawn. And it was all too much for the alien Toad People who ran off screaming that we (that’s us humans) were a deranged barbaric life form that shows no respect to decent hard working amphibians bent on colonising the universe in order to improve the lot of slimy critters that live under rocks…..
They have threatened to attempt to invade again soon . . . . . Maybe not today . . . . . Maybe not tomorrow; but about the same time next year, so keep a look out for Stargazing Live on the BBC it is a dead certainty that the events are connected. . . . . I know their cunning plan.

  The other good news in all this is tapioca pudding is off the menu for a few weeks now . .




Early this morning the Ghost Writer ran off with our car again as his is still not working, although he has been told that all the parts have been ordered. He had an emergency call from his place of work where a rather strange IT problem had occurred. They said if they did not know any better they would be convinced that the main supervisors PC was full of toad slime and bits of frog; although as they said such a thing was madness. So the Ghost Writer told them a tale of IP conflicts and default gateways, which always makes folk sort of glaze over and think of things like seagulls and garden gnomes.

Then this afternoon we all went off to a funeral of someone who was one hundred and one. That is quite old and you can’t be sad if someone of one hundred and one dies quietly at home. There were loads of folk at the church and the fact I never sing at funerals and weddings was not noticed, so no one will ever know . . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN.


While there I also learnt of another local person who died and it now means that in that particular town almost all the strange and slightly eccentric folk that lived there from way back have died.  I am sure that the average number of eccentrics per 1000 head of population is decreasing, you really don’t get real eccentrics these days, they tend to be folk with money pretending to be eccentric; real eccentrics have a habit of keeping their heads down and just get on with being eccentric and modern society is not eccentric friendly (or amphibian friendly)……….

5 comments:

  1. The gov'ment should issue tax breaks to encourage eccentricity in our towns and villages. Or at the very least a special bag of odd flavoured sweets and peculiar ~ symbols made of silver or gold should be awarded to ensure everyone knows who is who in the world of eccentrics and odd balls. The world needs eccentrics more than ever these days. Proper strange people who are not scary or mad but just that little bit more aware of the need for humour in the world and live their lives to their own rules and enjoy the heck out of it. These are the folks we need in power!!! VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!! (blimey that escalated quickly)

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    1. I am with you all the way Mr H I have an inflated pigs bladder and a lively chicken ready to fight the forces of local town planners and various other authoritarian bodies out to make life dull.

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    2. OOOOOooooo I would just like to add no animals were harmed in the making of this blog post

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  2. I think it would be acceptable for the pawns of frog's chess sets to be containers of tapioca pudding. Then it would confuse their Russian president opponents by making them think, "Why is Putin pudding his putting piece there? ... oops, why is Pudin putting his Putin pudding filled pawn .. Oh, bother ...." Slavic and French frog-ine chess wiLL be ruined for decades. Someone else wiLL most likely blame Bing Crosby by confusing him with Bill Cosby and his Pudding Empire of Thought Patterns.

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    1. I have to say Mr ESB that Frog Chess is a leap into the unknown. However what with Leaping, Rushing and Putin (sorry Putting) it has the sound of a rather active and physically demanding game. . . . . .

      I have always blamed Bing Crosby for everything but mainly for the fact we never get White Christmases.

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