Tuesday 10 December 2013

The True Story of Father Christmas and Elves (sorry Elvis).....

Once upon a time there was a large jolly rotund chap with a big white beard and red fur lined jacket who carried a large sack about known to all as Father Christmas (that’s the rotund chap not his sack). He was a generous chap who would rummage about in his sack and give passing small children presents and the like shouting Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas.  He was very popular much like Elvis and like Elvis it was not long before everywhere he went folk you run up to him screaming asking for autographs and asking him to sing the ever popular Be-Bop-A-Lula I don’t like Gravy, a sentiment all folk with large white beards will whole heartedly agree with no doubt. 



As he became more and more famous and popular it got harder and harder for him to go anywhere without folk turning up demanding stuff out of his sack or making him sing that song again or trying to book him for parties or saying he was the father of their love child. When it was plain to all that super gluing beards onto small children was never going to convince anyone.

So as time passed Father Christmas became more reclusive and hid away up north in the snow only venturing out in the middle of winter a time that became known as Christmas time because he was never seen any other time of year. He still went Ho Ho Ho a lot but now sneaked into houses at night as it was the only way he could avoid being asked to sing that song.  Of course by hiding away there was an opportunity for those Elvis impersonators who were not doing to well (put bluntly they were rubbish at Elvis), having fallen on hard times they became dishevelled and unshaven ending up with long white beards allowing them to become Father Christmas impersonators; it was cheaper too all you need is a big red coat and a sack, not a white sequined suit like Elvis and there was no need to be able to play the trombone either.


Over the years the real Father Christmas has got even more reclusive but the Father Christmas Impersonators or Santa impersonators as they are known now for legal reasons are all over the place. And it is easy to see why they all had to give up being Elvis impersonators, the closest I have ever seen one looking a bit like Elvis was when he was bitten by a large Hound Dog one Christmas Eve and screamed Im all Shook up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .HAH HA HAH HAH HA HAH HA HAH HA HAH HAH HHAH HAH AH hah a hha ha ha ha ha ha



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6 comments:

  1. We are aLL shook up here too. I have been trying to caLL my mother to see if she felt the 4.5 earthquake in Oklahoma but I could not reach her by either telephonic device, so it is possible that the earthquake knocked out the service.

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    1. I have Googled the earthquake Mr ESB and it appears to have rattled things a bit but not in a terrible way. I hope you mother was not rattled by the rattling.

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  2. Father Christmas used to be green until Coca Cola bought the right to him. Frankly, I think a green man in a red suit would look more like The Grinch. Perhaps they are getting them both confused.

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    1. I am writing various theories about Santa, I will have to consider him as a green man in a red coat. I can see how that might just scare a few children and interior designers although I did once own a bright red TR4 with bright green wheels which had been lowered to within about two inches of the ground. Which made driving it on anything but the flattest roads a bit scary, but it looked very cool.

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    2. I think the longest Santa that I know is a city in New Mexico. It's full name is La Villa Real de la Santa Fé de San Francisco de Asís (“The Royal Town of the Holy Faith of St. Francis of Assisi”. But most postage has just Santa Fe. I don't even think they use the é on the Fé, so Santa Fe is even smaller than Santa Fé.

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