Thursday 12 December 2013

Careers, Monsters and Master Chef

As the slightly eccentric child of cyberspace today was the day when I had to face the School careers officer (again possibly, but it was a long time ago) where he was asking us all what our plans were for the future.  I told him of my cyber diary and my life as a blogging diarist and said that I planned to live on the royalties from the film rights when that nice Steven Spielberg finally gives in and makes the block buster movie. Lets face it if they can make three films out of a grumpy Hobbit then quite frankly those film producers should be queuing up on mass to get hold of the film rights to me.



Once the careers officer stopped rolling about on the floor in hysterics he said I needed a plan B as plan A was rubbish (DAMN). But I did remember that the Ghost Writer has always said that to get any unemployment benefit you have to leap through all kinds of hoops these days, so in order to be prepared for this as us young folk (don’t snigger) stand no chance of finding jobs, I said I would become a contortionist. It makes sense because it will be dead easy to get through any sort of hoop then, however the careers officer said both I and the Ghost Writer were IDIOTS and I should consider Plan C. Some folk are never satisfied.   

Plan C is easy as I can fall back on the old family business of spying starting as a straight forward spy, but once I have the hang of that, become a double agent as it is far more exciting and involves spy rocks, meeting with incognito sort of people in incognito sort of places and saying My seagull has eaten your friends Pekinese, I will call a taxi.   The advantage of a career as a spy is that working undercover means you get to do all sorts of things and apparently if you say you are a spy if you have to sign on as unemployed, and you are working undercover as an unemployed person they get all confused and leave you alone. Particularly if you then say My table has been taken by a walrus I will eat your hat for breakfast tomorrow.

It was at this point the careers officer told me to go away and asked to see the next pupil who as it turned out was Esmeralda who said she was planning to become an anarchist. I don’t think that the career officer realized that Esmeralda is an Anarchist already (it is a vocation rather than a career you see). Well he didn’t but does now and once he recovers he will not be asking anyone else for a Plan B.

Freddie says he plans to be entrepreneurial and make a fortune with his performing ferrets who I must admit are well cool tap dancers and fire eaters although sadly he never made it to see the careers officer.

In other news I ate bacon and glued panels onto a wall, a kitchen wall using glue and used a jigsaw (the cutting thing not the assembly thing)….


And I watched the final of Master Chef  . . . . . . Yes yes yes I know but we all need to chill . . . . . . . I don’t think the right one won myself but that is just me……….

7 comments:

  1. Perhaps you are not grumpy enough. Can you be art-ificiaLLy grumpy on cue? I practice by responding NO! to requests from my wife even though she knows I don't mean it. She just caLLed me while I am sitting here at the diner and she was going to ask me if I had time to go to the groc store to get her some fruit BUT in the middle of her sentence she found a pear before I could even say NO!. Meanwhile while typing aLL this my coffee chilled too much. Now it appears that I am 21 minutes late for Cooper's 9 PM cheese, so everything is almost incomplete.

    Today I discovered that Facebook tries to automaticaLLy recognize people in photos and that I was misidentified in a photo from my niece's wedding where I know I wasn't. Even after notifying the other human involved this situation has not been remedied. Bizarre.

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    1. That facebook thing is quite interesting you can draw pictures to try and fool it. Well of course that requires time . . . extremely disposable time as it is not entirely productive......

      I am glad you wife found a pear, BUT a pair of what??? HAH HAH H HAHHAH AH HAH HA HAHHAH AH HAH AH HAH AH Hha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....

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  2. I think you would make an excellent spy. You seem to have the lingo down right. THE WEATHER IN PRAGUE IS ABNORMALLY CLEMENT! See? Even I can't do it.

    Perhaps if you want to master those loopholes you could become a circus performer. How good are you at Hula Hoops?

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    1. THE SEAGULLS ARE HEADING NORTH FOR THE WINTER I MUST SIT ON A CHAIR TO SEE THEM A BIT BETTER.

      Thanks Mr Addman the microfilm is in the usual place in the bin in the park

      DAMN I shouldn't have said that . . . .

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  3. I barely have a plan A, never mind B or C. Any plan is better than none at all.

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    1. Miss Laura your Plan A is that best selling novel you are working on . . . . . . .

      I have faith you can do it.

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  4. Ooooo thanks new follower it is always nice to see a new face

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