Thursday, 12 December 2013
Careers, Monsters and Master Chef
As the slightly eccentric child of cyberspace today was the day when I had to face the School careers officer (again possibly, but it was a long time ago) where he was asking us all what our plans were for the future. I told him of my cyber diary and my life as a blogging diarist and said that I planned to live on the royalties from the film rights when that nice Steven Spielberg finally gives in and makes the block buster movie. Lets face it if they can make three films out of a grumpy Hobbit then quite frankly those film producers should be queuing up on mass to get hold of the film rights to me.
Once the careers officer stopped rolling about on the floor in hysterics he said I needed a plan B as plan A was rubbish (DAMN). But I did remember that the Ghost Writer has always said that to get any unemployment benefit you have to leap through all kinds of hoops these days, so in order to be prepared for this as us young folk (don’t snigger) stand no chance of finding jobs, I said I would become a contortionist. It makes sense because it will be dead easy to get through any sort of hoop then, however the careers officer said both I and the Ghost Writer were IDIOTS and I should consider Plan C. Some folk are never satisfied.
Plan C is easy as I can fall back on the old family business of spying starting as a straight forward spy, but once I have the hang of that, become a double agent as it is far more exciting and involves spy rocks, meeting with incognito sort of people in incognito sort of places and saying My seagull has eaten your friends Pekinese, I will call a taxi. The advantage of a career as a spy is that working undercover means you get to do all sorts of things and apparently if you say you are a spy if you have to sign on as unemployed, and you are working undercover as an unemployed person they get all confused and leave you alone. Particularly if you then say My table has been taken by a walrus I will eat your hat for breakfast tomorrow.
It was at this point the careers officer told me to go away and asked to see the next pupil who as it turned out was Esmeralda who said she was planning to become an anarchist. I don’t think that the career officer realized that Esmeralda is an Anarchist already (it is a vocation rather than a career you see). Well he didn’t but does now and once he recovers he will not be asking anyone else for a Plan B.
Freddie says he plans to be entrepreneurial and make a fortune with his performing ferrets who I must admit are well cool tap dancers and fire eaters although sadly he never made it to see the careers officer.
In other news I ate bacon and glued panels onto a wall, a kitchen wall using glue and used a jigsaw (the cutting thing not the assembly thing)….
And I watched the final of Master Chef . . . . . . Yes yes yes I know but we all need to chill . . . . . . . I don’t think the right one won myself but that is just me……….