Thursday 27 June 2013

The Shape of the Universe and Tea Bags


My diary of late has got rather quiet its existence in the parallel media's of cyberspace both showing signs that the great masses have left leaving only a few die hards and my good friends at GCHQ who know that it is better to monitor a friendly face rather than that of an annoyed face, or worse still an angry face. Would you while waiting in the rain at the bus stop in a queue for the bus that is late rather watch the smiling man or the angry man who might see you looking at him, I think the choice is plain always watch the happy man it is safer.

And so tonight after a quiet day and I mean quiet (although we are off to Big Bill’s Greasy Fur Ball CafĂ© tonight for a meal) I have decided to discuss the shape of the universe. As you know only a couple of days ago I mentioned the origin of life and as a result Mr H from the cyber-world asked me if I knew the shape of the universe. Now I know it is not something that most folk know but funnily enough I do, so I thought I could let you all know too. I have sort of mentioned this to Mr H already in reply to his comment because he knew it had to do with tea bags but was getting a bit confused and I forgot to mention the exact shape of the tea bag to him (very sorry Mr H) so I will now clarify it to everyone. I am going for my second Nobel Prize in less that a week.




So consider a round teabag (a bit like a squashed flying Saucer) and that you could fold  the edge back into the middle to a point known as The Absolute point of Universe, the point where the so called big bang occurred. And you then flattened out the teabag into a teabag shape again you would fundamentally have a teabag with no edges, which is important because the universe can not have edges just a force to hold its shape together (the material of the teabag itself). The tea  in the teabag is then split equally between the two sides of the teabag either side of The Absolute Point of Universe a point so small not even an electron can get through it, this tea is the substance of the universe itself planets, stars and the like, and one side represents matter the other Antimatter. The fabric of the teabag where it is squashed together can therefore sometimes get small holes worn in it due to the forces generated and these are called Black Holes where the matter falls into the antimatter.

Of course the sort of flying saucer shape is created by the spin of the universe where material is thrown out along the line of centrifugal effect; however the one thing that can ruin a good universe is a huge kettle of hot water which destroys many of the forces that hold it together. And this can be made much worse by God squeezing the teabag against the side of his mug turning everything we know and understand into a soggy shapeless mass.


I hope next time you are asked what is the Shape of the Universe you will all say ………..AH FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK THAT BECAUSE. . . . . . . .

10 comments:

  1. I think the shape of the Universe is like no other thing, so I just say it is "no-thing" shaped or sometimes I get fancy and put an e on the end of it as "not hinge", as I don't think it is anywhere close to being a hinge. WeLL, interesting day. I must go put on fancy clothes in hot weather but hopefuLLy there is enough air conditioning where I am going. The last two funerals I went to were both rather warm, and one of them was ironicaLLy for an HVAC guy.

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    1. Well of course The point of Universe the point between matter and antimatter could be like a hinge so that the matter and antimatter universes could rotate through each other. But it would be hard to draw on the flat surface of a sheet of paper.

      Funerals and the universe and where do we go when we die is even more complex. Still I feel deep down what folk are after is more subjective tea based science,(something often drank at funerals in the UK. I am planning to become the world authority on this (tea based science) subject until at least tomorrow when I will probably forget (it is my best feature).

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    2. So combining funeral and universe would give funiversal (?). It was a sad day so I took my wife to Red Lobster on a date since we were already in nice clothes and needed some together time. I tried a couple new menu items.

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    3. Sounds good Mr ESB. . . always good to go and eat wearing posh clothes

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  2. Wha...? How...? But...Eh? *goes off to have a bit of a lie down*

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    1. I can tell you are a coffee drinker Miss Lily, the universe is just not a coffee sort of place. Well OK if you drink latte you will be OK because it is made the Milky WAY . . . . . HAH HAHAH HAHHAHAHH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH AH HAH AH HA HAH AH hah ahhah h ah hah ah ha hh ahah ah hah hah ahah ha hahahh ah ha ha ha

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    1. Ah yes the Great Pyramid Tea bag Selling Scandal . . . . mums the word or was it mummies . . .

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  4. This explains a lot. I have always thought that God would be a tea drinker.
    I can't really picture him drinking a mug of coffee. It might go some way in explaining why builders need to have 5 mugs of tea before anything resembling work materialises. If the universe and everything contained within it is ultimately tea bag shaped, then we need a nice hot cuppa before anything will get done.
    PLUS(!!!) the universe is cooling down, MUCH LIKE a cup of tea does.
    And as we know, nothing goes with a cup of tea like a nice CUSTARD CREAM.
    Yes, it's all falling into place now.

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    1. I hope the cup of tea is not falling or it will all end in a Big Bang . . . . . HAHAH HAHHAH HAHH AHHAH ah hah ahhahah ahhah ah ah ha Ha

      Maybe the Custard Cream was the catalyst that started life; that small affordable biscuit in the the vast void of nothingness that started the whole process off.

      This Blog it turning into The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in real time (part 6)

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