Thursday, 28 March 2013
Icicles, Old Fred and a Sherbet Bon Bon and Conceptual Art
It was only yesterday that I was saying that I would easily win this year’s icicle contest at the local fete in August and already today I have had a disaster, after a great start at breakfast where the icicles were award winning size and I was dreaming of the gold rosette and my prize money of 25 pence. You never enter a village fete contest in
to win your fortune, it all about the glory of beating Old Fred up the road who
has won for the last twenty five years using his secret manure, a recipe handed
down over millions of years. Britain
So there I was proudly watching my prize winning icicles when they were struck by a change in the weather which caused an outbreak of thaw, it was terrible within a time frame of less that an hour they had all vanished. Even as I ate breakfast they were falling and smashing on the ground. My only thought was what would Old Fred do, so I phoned him, I thought he is not a nasty old malicious grumpy bloke who would stoop to low underhand tactics to ensure he always wins the icicle contest at the local fete. So I explained to Old Fred what had started to happen and there was a long silence then hysterical laughter and then we got cut off. I don’t know what happened, I tried ringing back straight away but there was no answer.
An hour or so later Old Fred called round to say he was just popping in to make sure my icicles were gone, and then said how terrible it was before he wondered off again. I was planning to ask how he managed to save his but by then he was laughing hysterically again and pointing at a clean empty gutter devoid of icicles. I am not sure that Old Fred has entered into the spirit of village life in quite they way I was told the locals did.
In other news I have dismantled the art class wall today as part of a piece of performance art, the art teacher said he wanted to see something new and innovative, not just another picture to hang on the wall painted in cheap school water colours. But then he got called away because his dad who it turned out was called Old Fred had chocked on a Sherbet Bon Bon while telling Mrs Old Fred about an unfortunate incident in the village that he thought was highly amusing, but sucking a Sherbet Bon Bon while laughing and waving your hands about is not a good idea.
So while Young Fred the art teacher was off giving Old Fred the heinrich maneuver we were left to fend for ourselves. And we all thought if we dismantled the art class if would be a brilliant piece of conceptual art and Young Fred would not have to worry about hanging up all those dodgy pictures of the school goat ever again. As it happened Young Fred did not get back to school until after our class had finish art and was in the Maths class. But it appears he was unable to find his class and when he went to see the Headmaster the Headmaster shouted a lot. Young Fred did ask us if we had seen his class but Esmeralda told him that it had thawed . . . . . . . . .HA HAHHAH HAH Hah ah hhahhaahha ah hhah ha hah ahhah ah ahhah hahahhah