Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Rabbits and Cows and The End of the World (again)

The poor old Ghost Writer has turned up looking like a zombie, he had to go into the office and look at a computer but the computer sort of responded in slow motion. This is something a computer can do at times and it is often connected to older computers, when I say older I refer to more than five years old as in IT terms five years is old. The result for the Ghost Writer was that what he thought would be a quick and moderately simple job turned into an epic all day long job which to rub salt into the wound so to speak ended when the computer crashed out meaning he has to start all over again after Christmas

He has just asked me if I have a piece of paper with a special security word on it because he will need it soon and knows I have it put away safely. . . . . . .AH DAMN . . . . . I was rather hoping he was not going to ask me that, but I have reassured him it is in a safe place.

Very kindly I have been made a safe place with a big sign on it saying Safe Place so I can put things in it that need to be safe, so as soon as I find them I will put them in there.

Yesterday I wrote  . . . ‘and cows when being stalked by rabbits (hang on that sounds wrong. This encyclopaedia might have been cheap but its rubbish)’ . . . .  Well today I was reassured by the Natural History teacher that in fact rabbits do stalk cows but the whole affair is far more psychological than simply cow sees rabbit, cow runs and rabbit chases cow. That you see would look a little odd to us humans, but it appears it is a battle of wits as the cow will hold its ground but the rabbit being a nimble beast will hop about slowly circling the cow. Sometimes a herd of cows will be surrounded by a load of rabbits (called a warren of rabbits) that will rotate round the cows in a hopping fashion. The rabbits trick is to slowly speed up as it rotates the cows, the cows will keep their eyes on the rabbit to ensure it/they is not trying to sneak up behind it/them so the cow is forced to rotate on the spot, as the rabbit gets faster and faster so the cow spins faster. Well as you would expect from an animal not designed to spin on its axis the cow becomes dizzy and faint and falls over; it is at this point the rabbit will move in for the kill.

But it appears that rabbits are vegetarian and after a small nibble of hoof realise they do not like cows and so the cow once recovered will stand up again. It takes a cow at least twenty five minutes to fully recover which is ironically the memory span of the rabbit that will then see the cow in the field and start to stalk it (again) by hopping round it.

The Natural History teacher thinks that the impending End of the World is the result of the cows contacting their far off intergalactic relatives to finally stop this continual cycle of giddiness and falling over and have requested that their intergalactic relatives destroy all the rabbits. But the cows have sent slightly the wrong message resulting in a slight error in that the entire world will be destroyed.

So in short according to the Natural History teacher the End of the World is all the rabbits fault……….. Mum says the Natural History teacher is in fact an IDIOT……



  1. I have been saying this for years. Cows are evil . Here are some proper facts about cows:
    They have one udder with six teats but only two of them work, They are mainly black and white - but unlike other herbivores they are not camouflaged to their surroundings,cows have four stomachs. this is more than a horse a goat and a sheep that have been stapled together!
    cows are bigger than you think.
    hold out your hand to where you think a cow height is..... YOU ARE WRONG its much taller than that!
    remember BSE? that was cows that was.
    milk is white (or cream coloured at least) but grass is green! how does this work!!!
    I should have spoken up sooner maybe I could have done something to stop the end of the world.... Its all my fault!!! NNNNNOOOOOOooooooo.........

    1. Sorry Mr H I have not responded to your comment yet, It is the day I need a bit more sun, in fact I need a lot more sun the weather is sucking my mind......

      I just hope this is not phase one of you know what (all I will say is 21st)

  2. You should also put signs on your secret places so you can remember where they are as weLL, but in order to be sneaky about, write on the sign "This is NOT a secret place" on the inside write yourself a note that says "Rob, this reaLLy is a secret place just in case you forgot."

    1. As with Mr H above I am very sorry Mr ESB I feel I am letting you both down by not making a witty reply, but as I said to Mr H, I could do with a couple of better days to get my mind motivated again.

      Still it is life we have our ups and downs and as I do this daily I guess my diary reflects this.

  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    1. Yes sorry anon you see I am not keen on Adverts, I bet you can tell from the blog; there are no adverts. Not even for my famous Grannies Zombie Jam made from a secret recipe handed down from granny and made with nothing but the freshest free range Zombie direct from the suburbs. There are none of those battery bred monsters in our jam, cheap mass produced Frankenstein's Monster Food.

      So for a jar of Grannies Famous Zombie Jam please send cash in used notes and a plain brown parcel will be dispatched in due course. P&P extra.

      I will be back later Mr H and Mr ESB

  4. I knew it, bunnies ARE evil!
    Take that Energizer rabbit for instance, causing a disturbing of the peace by banging his drum day and night and not sparing a thought for anyone else, despite being called out and arrested several times for environmental noise pollution. Or the infamous Bugs Bunny himself, baiting poor Elmer Fudd to the brink of rage with his innoxious tormenting ways.

    They will be the downfall of man, just you wait and see.

    1. It is the one animal that if you were to eat nothing but rabbit would result in you dying. They do however sort of look cute so on that basis I don't eat rabbit.

      That is not entirely true I don't like the taste of rabbit either.