Friday 21 December 2012

How the world Ended on the 21st December 2012


So here we are the 21st Dec (AGAIN) only a few short weeks after the predicted End of the World on the 21st December, well what a day that turned out to be  a bit of a surprise for the masses when the first cheese slices started landing across the world. Sadly my diary is not as well read as it should be; and instead of going into hiding large numbers of the population were nibbling cheese.  I think the majority of people in Britain first realized all was not as it should be when David Cameron (the Prime Minister) gave his television statement to the public directly from outside No 10, assuring them it would to be sensible not to panic. His speech was going quite well right up to the point when a huge space gull bit his head off, well that was not expected and the crowds looked shocked, only Nick Clegg seemed to perk up at the opportunity to be Prime Minister but as he stepped up to say a few words to a now bewildered and shocked public he too was plucked off the ground by a space gull and promptly swallowed. From that point onwards mankind was doomed, all that screaming and running about just attracted more Space Gulls. Luckily for us and a few friends dad had anticipated events and had built a large Trojan Space Gull in the garden which we hid in.
It was several days later that the aliens turned up who then set about turning the entire world’s population into DNA bar codes filing everyone away on hard drives. Slowly but surely working their way across the planet until almost everyone was merely a simple barcode, luckily hiding in a nesting (Trojan) Space Gull appeared to the perfect place to avoid detection.
As time passed the weather remained dull wet and cold in Britain as it tends too and the Aliens started to get sore throats, cough and show signs of Man Flu, then they all took to their spacecraft and were heard groaning. From the safety of our Trojan Space Gull we could see several of them staring out of the windows of their space craft looking like Alien Zombies complaining about the cold wet dull weather and Man Flu (apparently the worst illness in the universe). The next thing was they were off; gone; vanished, along with the Space gulls, who by then had eaten all the huge intergalactic cheese slices and French Fries in McDonalds. We waited a few more days but it was safe to leave the Trojan Space Gull then.


Luckily for all of you three things were working to the worlds and your advantage.

1 The aliens appear to all be men and therefore rather more susceptible to Man Flu
2 The hard drives with the world’s populations Barcoded DNA were safe, as they had been accidently left behind by an Alien with Man Flu who had well sort of lost the plot and returned to his spacecraft to go to bed, but left all the important stuff outside.
3 The Ghost Writer was alive and well and hiding in the Trojan Space Gull with us. As you know the Ghost Writer is a genius at IT, and many other things, so he quickly worked out how to reverse the process and return people back to a state of being people again. Well almost as I'm afraid you are all virtual people living in a virtual world created from the networked memory of your barcodes so although it may not feel like it I am afraid you are all living in the hard drive of an old Dell computer under the bench in an orange room which has had the date turned back to the 21st Dec for you to avoid confusion and keep continuity.

 So there we go the world did end for most of you but of course you don’t know that it did because you are in a new virtual world inside an old Dell computer so as long as I don’t press this little button you are fine . . . . . . . . . . . . .AH . . . . .DAMN sorry about that everyone, I will go and have a word with the Ghost Writer

The Ghost Writer says  . . . .IDIOT.

.

43 comments:

  1. Apparently someone got a bit confused wondering how it could be a few days later from the 21st Dec, but I have had to explain the 21st dec was a few weeks ago and time has now been turned back to the 21st of dec in the virtual world in order to maintain continuity so they will not be aware of the missing weeks. Its complicated and I write enough already . . . . PHEW

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha! At least those space gulls started off with a good deed or two! Mmmmmmm cheese!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes those Space Gulls were not all bad. and I do agree about the cheese I do like a really good strong cheese myself.

      Delete
  3. Gee thanks, now how will we get out?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am sure there are worse things than being trapped in a Dell computer forever. . . . . . . . . . AH OK maybe not, sorry about that its the Ghost Writers fault

      Delete
  4. Space gulls. Well, now I have something new to worry about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes sorry Miss Stephanie but it is only one more scary thing. and as long as we avoid making huge cheese slices on planet earth I don't think they will return for a very long tome

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. You are right you obviously know about Space Gulls. Yes its true by having a very cold body temperature they can avoid burning up as they enter the Earth's atmosphere, or any other planets atmosphere for that matter. It also reduces their metabolism so that the long journeys across the voids of space are possible between feeds.

      Delete
  6. Hurray for the Ghost Writer. Saviour of Mankind!
    I just hope your solar panels can cope with all the tooings and frowings of people in the world? Is it possible for the Ghost writer to make it a bit sunnier or re-write some computer code to make my lottery numbers come up?
    Oh-Oh-Oh if I am now in a computer do i have to have micro-chips for my tea? ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. (i know, i know - idiot)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice to see you still about MR H. I think you might have been saved apparently according to the Ghost Writer men who eat loads of Brussel Sprouts can not be turned into virtual people.

      It has something to do with the Greens Cross Code . . . . . . HAH HAHHAAHH HAH HAH HAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHH AHHAH HAHH HAHH HAHAhahahahahahh aha

      Delete
  7. If there's one thing I learned from science fiction is to never trust giant birds from space. Awesome way to spread this endfest! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have got to agree about the giant birds in science fiction they do get themselves a bad name. I think it is because they have fly by night publicists.

      And thank you for the 'awesome' word it is very kind, it is normally only used by the Anon commenter's who will insist on adding a little link to a web site that hopefully has fallen fowl of the End of the Earth.

      Delete
  8. Trojan Space Gull -- I'm still chuckling!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not even aliens would think to look inside a Trojan Space Gull.

      Delete
  9. I am still thinking about your Trojan Space Gull... brilliant!

    Did we make it?
    My link is dead, I ask again did we make it?
    [Visit my post for that to make sense]

    Great end of the world post!!
    Jeremy [Retro]
    Oh No, Let's Go... Crazy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your link is indeed dead. Flogging a few T-Shirts at the End of the World ..... mmmmmmmmmmm naughty.....

      Delete
  10. Man Flu, hahaha! I've been looking forward to your post. Thank goodness for that darned flu; I knew there was a reason for it.

    Thanks for participating!

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well the thing is my diary really is a diary (sort of), OK it might twist the truth a little bit, but I did have Man Flu (all men get man flu in the UK)and as it happens I do have an elephants graveyard of Dell computers under the desk in the big orange room (it is where I keep all my musical instruments and recording equipment)and the Ghost Writer really is an IT guru.

      I will admit that I haven't seen a Space Gull and was not entirely convinced that today would bring about the end of the world . . .

      Delete
  11. Damn gulls.
    Hopefully repeated viewings of the Matrix will help me survive inside the computer. Or should I have watched Tron a few more times?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am hoping life will be quieter than in the Matrix and Tron, I feel that sort of lifestyle in an old Dell would bring the world to a complete halt and a re boot my be called for. As for the gulls whether regular gulls or space gulls they are cunning and resourceful beasts and I would not be entirely surprised if they outlived the human race

      Delete
  12. Hahahahahaa... Cute post :) I loved your twists--everyone stuck on Dec 21 forever, just DNA barcodes in an old (Dell!!) hard drive. Very nice :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for passing by, I like what you wrote and I bet you are pleased to know at least the world in not lost on a smart phone. . . .

      Delete
  13. Flying cheese and space gulls- love it. Quite original. I'm so glad that I'm totally unaware that I am now living inside an old Dell computer- I have mild claustrophobia. :)
    A2Z Mommy and What’s In Between

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I liked that Attack of the killer cookies idea, something to get your teeth into...... HAH HAH HAH HAHAH HAHHAH HAHHAH HHAHAHH HAHHAH HA

      Delete
  14. Ha ha - glad the politicians 'bought it' early on! That alone might dissuade others eager to step onto the self-promoting gravy-train of becoming an MP! Pity Blair wasn't muscling his way to microphone for another opportunity to be in the limelight - he must have got enveloped in a slice of cheese, to match that awful grin of his!

    Well, the 22nd December is much as I expected it - all the chores I'd left undone still need to be attended to......but then, if I'm just a barcoded file and a figment of my own imagination I guess the chores don't matter! Huzzah! ;-p

    SueH (I Refuse To Go Quietly!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am I must admit not a fan of politicians, I suspect if the end of the world was predicted they would be giving their speech to the nation telling us not to panic from deep within a nuclear bunker. Possibly advising us to hide under a sturdy table and not to look directly into the eyes of the zombies, just in case.

      As for being a barcode it could be a good excuse to use for all sorts of things . . . . Very sorry but I am only a Barcode in an old Dell I cant go any faster....

      Delete
  15. I am miSSing some alcohol, so I figure your story must be true.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am told there is one place on Earth where the population are very attuned to living inside a Dell computer, they will know the truth. So you need to speak to someone in delaware (Dell-aware) HAH HAHAHHAH HAHH HAH HAHHAH HAH HAHAHhaah hahahhhah hahah hhahahahhahaha

      Delete
    2. I seem to be rather busy here at present Mr ESB it was that Apocalypse Blogfest that did it. Normal service will resume shortly as you know my blog is an acquired taste.

      Delete
    3. I happen to know eXactly one person in Delaware, her names begin with the letters De and Da, so I caLL her DeDa, so she is DeDa of DE. She is kinda like my time twin sister as we were born 3.5 million seconds apart and veRy close to the same line of latitude, but no where near where either of us currently live. I like to remind her from time to time that when she was 3.5 seconds old, I was a million times older than her. She has a nickname for me 'Bamst' but I don't remember the origin of why she caLLs me that, I think it is a reference to Pebbles and BamBam from the Flintstones.

      Delete
    4. I tried to eXplain your version of how the world ended and restarted to my wife.

      Delete
    5. I suspect your wife might think I'm mad (mine does).

      Delete
  16. Another survivor! I waited out the aliens' departure from inside a large wooden badger. Or, at least I think I did. Perhaps it's all in my head and my head is inside a microchip somewhere.

    If this is just a virtual reality, at least the virtual cheese tastes as good as the real thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think your Apocalypse would need more than a badger to save you, all that spinning about at high speed until the world sort of rips apart. I think you might find you are trapped in a Dell Desktop from 2002 it was a good year for cheese and Dell I think.

      Delete
  17. >>...Slowly but surely working their way across the planet until almost everyone was merely a simple barcode

    I am NOT a barcode; I am a FREE MAN!
    [A tweaked line from 'The Prisoner' series.]

    Your illustration of the Trojan Space Gull looks a little like Noah's ark waiting for a good rain. Ha!

    Pretty wild, trippy scenario there.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well Mr STM as you know I am No2 and You are No6. Enough said .. . . . . . ..

      Pretty wild, trippy scenario, are you sure it all seemed quite logical to me.

      Delete
  18. I got lost at cheese...mmmmm cheese...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am a great cheese fan myself but if you ever see very large cheese slices falling out of the sky, best just to run

      Delete
  19. Wha...? Wh...? Who...? How...? Where did all these comments come from?? I was just about to ramble on about what a great movie the above would make but by the time I scrolled down, I couldn't remember half of what I wanted to say.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes it is a bit on the busy side Miss Lily but there was this End of the World Blogfest thing and as I was already well into my thoughts on the End of the World I though Oooooooooo why not, so I did. But then all these folk tun up and make loads of comments and I am good I will always try and answer comments but PHEW.

      Yes it would make a great Movie I think that Steven Spielberg should take note of what you say, he knows that I am not asking a lot for the collected diaries of Rob Z Tobor. I think there must be several movies in that lot now. I think all that fame and fortune turns their heads and they loss the gift of seeing a great plot as a result of too many great meals and bottles of champagne (I'm a chip butty man myself).

      And Happy Christmas AGAIN Miss Lily . . .Ho Ho Ho

      Delete
  20. This was sheer brilliance - loved it. Thanks for the many chuckles ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I seldom get called Brilliant, but well I cant deny it, although I should because deep down I am a modest chap. But one thing I do know about the internet is it is not a good place to be too modest, so OK what the hell yes I am Brilliant, in fact possibly a genius even a brilliant genius, a Modest Brilliant Genius . . .

      Yep it will be a while to someone calls me that again unless I do.....

      Delete