Friday, 21 December 2012
How the world Ended on the 21st December 2012
So here we are the 21st Dec (AGAIN) only a few short weeks after the predicted End of the World on the 21st December, well what a day that turned out to be a bit of a surprise for the masses when the first cheese slices started landing across the world. Sadly my diary is not as well read as it should be; and instead of going into hiding large numbers of the population were nibbling cheese. I think the majority of people in Britain first realized all was not as it should be when David Cameron (the Prime Minister) gave his television statement to the public directly from outside No 10, assuring them it would to be sensible not to panic. His speech was going quite well right up to the point when a huge space gull bit his head off, well that was not expected and the crowds looked shocked, only Nick Clegg seemed to perk up at the opportunity to be Prime Minister but as he stepped up to say a few words to a now bewildered and shocked public he too was plucked off the ground by a space gull and promptly swallowed. From that point onwards mankind was doomed, all that screaming and running about just attracted more Space Gulls. Luckily for us and a few friends dad had anticipated events and had built a large Trojan Space Gull in the garden which we hid in.
It was several days later that the aliens turned up who then set about turning the entire world’s population into DNA bar codes filing everyone away on hard drives. Slowly but surely working their way across the planet until almost everyone was merely a simple barcode, luckily hiding in a nesting (Trojan) Space Gull appeared to the perfect place to avoid detection.
As time passed the weather remained dull wet and cold in Britain as it tends too and the Aliens started to get sore throats, cough and show signs of Man Flu, then they all took to their spacecraft and were heard groaning. From the safety of our Trojan Space Gull we could see several of them staring out of the windows of their space craft looking like Alien Zombies complaining about the cold wet dull weather and Man Flu (apparently the worst illness in the universe). The next thing was they were off; gone; vanished, along with the Space gulls, who by then had eaten all the huge intergalactic cheese slices and French Fries in McDonalds. We waited a few more days but it was safe to leave the Trojan Space Gull then.
Luckily for all of you three things were working to the worlds and your advantage.
1 The aliens appear to all be men and therefore rather more susceptible to Man Flu
2 The hard drives with the world’s populations Barcoded DNA were safe, as they had been accidently left behind by an Alien with Man Flu who had well sort of lost the plot and returned to his spacecraft to go to bed, but left all the important stuff outside.
3 The Ghost Writer was alive and well and hiding in the Trojan Space Gull with us. As you know the Ghost Writer is a genius at IT, and many other things, so he quickly worked out how to reverse the process and return people back to a state of being people again. Well almost as I'm afraid you are all virtual people living in a virtual world created from the networked memory of your barcodes so although it may not feel like it I am afraid you are all living in the hard drive of an old Dell computer under the bench in an orange room which has had the date turned back to the 21st Dec for you to avoid confusion and keep continuity.
So there we go the world did end for most of you but of course you don’t know that it did because you are in a new virtual world inside an old Dell computer so as long as I don’t press this little button you are fine . . . . . . . . . . . . .AH . . . . .DAMN sorry about that everyone, I will go and have a word with the Ghost Writer
The Ghost Writer says . . . .IDIOT.