Saturday, 10 November 2012
President Obama, Mr Jones and the Alien Optical Scanning Beam
Mr Jones was about today saying that he spotted an Alien Optical Scanning Beam pointing into our garden. It appears that these are light beams projected from deep in space that scan our planet, and the reflected image allows them to analyse all sorts of information. It is very rare to see these beams so when Mr Jones spotted what was happening he leapt off his roof put some clothes on and ran round as fast as he could. He says he has only seen these beams three times before, which is three times more often than almost the entire world’s population, which just goes to show how rare this event is. He has written several letters to the UK Space Agency, NASA and President Obama about the Alien Optical Scanning Beam and his proof of Aliens but has had no response so far, OK not entirely true, President Obama did phone him up only the other day and thanked him for voting. However at first Mr Jones thought he was an Alien and said take me to your leader, President Obama told Mr Jones that his wife was rather busy but he would send a signed autograph. Mum thinks President Obama may have phoned the wrong number and thought he was talking to an American Mr Jones not a mad Mr Jones living on the English Welsh borders who chases aliens in the woods in the nude (that’s Mr Jones in the nude not the aliens).
Have you noticed that you hear of people seeing aliens or ghosts and spirits or other strange things, even Red Indians and Gandhi but never a kitten of Zombies not even a single small Zombie (OK yes I do), why is that then??
In other news Sooty the Cat is now impersonating Elvis there are two things that make it very difficult for him to do this successfully one is he cat sing and secondly he is black and I guess thirdly he is a cant. He does not know any of the words to any of the songs either and can’t do that thing with his leg even if you put axle grease on his paws, and he sleeps in a small box and chases mice. I don’t think Elvis chased mice or slept in boxes although I must admit I may be wrong about that, my knowledge of Elvis is limited.
I have also been up a ladder that was sort of swaying about a lot, although not in an Elvis way to cut down various bits of overgrown hedge.