Sunday, 16 September 2012
The inverted molecular antimatter generator and Isaac Newton's great error about gravity
Today dad has been working on a new steam powered electro-mechanical device; it’s an inverted molecular antimatter generator using fundamental matter-antimatter symmetry to create the inverted antimatter being of ourselves within a world that is equal and opposite to the one we exist in. I can here some of you saying WHAT? And who can blame you it is what I said when I was told I was going to be given the privilege of testing the prototype out. Not that I don’t trust dads mad machines but I did notice his first attempt at transporting an apple into its antimatter state ended in a small pile of ash. So it was decided that the only fair and safe way to conduct this experiment was to use one of the cats. As Heavy Harry the Cat is large and rather aggressive with long claws Sooty the Cat was volunteered because he is soft and stupid, the ideal properties for such an important experiment never undertaken before.
The experiment was not entirely successful because as the force field between the two opposite and opposing worlds started to come into view, Sooty the cat was unable to cross the barrier because there was a cat on the other side blocking his route across the barrier and when we tried to shoo the cat on the other side away someone on the other side of the barrier did the same to Sooty the Cat. Then Sooty the Cat lost interest and ran off at exactly the same time as the cat on the other side of the barrier did, it was very annoying if only Sooty had stayed put a few more seconds. Dad did try throwing another apple at the barrier in frustration but it turned to ash.
The dog is now convinced that the violent reaction that the apples are experiencing may indicate that apples are not entirely fixed in our own time space dimension and that it may be best not to eat them. DAMN I have spent three days pruning all the apple trees so that we get loads of them next year that is a bit of a blow. Apparently the dog says that if apples are not in the same time space dimension as us then poor old Isaac Newton made a terrible error when he sat under that apple tree; and he is super gluing his kennel to the ground as I type. I don’t know why he is doing that, he never uses it except to store bones and old books on Latin. Mum has said the dog is an IDIOT…….. PHEW it’s not me this time ………… AH …… apparently I am too.