Sunday 23 September 2012

A wet quiet Sunday, but how many cows can you fit in a glider?


I think today has proved to be the first really cold, wet and generally nasty Autumn (wintery) day of this Autumn/winter and the forecast is not good for the next couple of days or so. We have all been keeping our heads down today and even the cows next door in the field are digging their winter burrows ready to hibernate until spring. Hang on that sounds a bit wrong cows do not burrow, and I sure they don’t usually have a vaulting horse in the middle of the field either. The dog seems to thing it is an elaborate escape plan and they plan to fly south for the winter like the swallows, although the cows will need to go by easy jet; I have to say I am not entirely convinced that it is all that easy for a cow to get onto easy jet even wearing a false moustache and an old Estonian school tie.  Anyway that is a distraction I am sure no one is interested in a field full of cows digging holes and trying not to look suspicious about it.

it is very wet today



 So to other news, well to tell the truth it there is not a great deal of other news because it is a classic wet cold and dark Sunday in the United Kingdom. These are the days when the human brain tries to do the same as the cows and will hide in a burrow and hibernate. So writing an interesting diary entry to tantalize that very nice Steven Spielberg’s own mind which I suspect is in a nice sunny climate next to a large swimming pool sipping champagne and nibbling warm sausage rolls is tricky to say the least.

We did see Mr Kris who has a new car, not brand new but as new as Mr Kris has ever owned because it is shiny and clean and not full of mice and rust. The thing is with cars is that once upon a time you could potter about in a rusty relic quite safely but then everyone started to drive about fast and wave their fists at you, so driving about in a rusty relic was not as safe anymore. Then the powers that be said ooooooo those rusty relics are not safe and changed the rules so they have all vanished to history. When they should have changed the rules to stop everyone driving so fast (not dad or the dog though), so that it was still safe to drive a rusty relic.   If you get rid of you faithful old car to get an environmentally friendly new one you have to drive it for fifty years to balance the environmental cost of scrapping the old one to get the new one, so environmentally it is better just to keep the old one on the road.

Now what was I saying  . . . . . . . . . . .Ah yes not a lot has happened today so I will go. I will say one thing before I go though; cows are rubbish with a spade and a pick axe at digging holes, if it is an escape plan it could be spring before they get out, I might suggest they try making a glider and that avoids the agro with easy jet too.  

How many cows can you fit in a glider?

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12 comments:

  1. Actually the sight of a field full of cows digging holes while trying not to look suspicious is something I would very much like to see!

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    1. I was worried someone might ask to see that, however it is raining so I will see if I can get a picture of this when it stops in raining in November. . .

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  2. One Eighth.

    If a glider can hold 200 lbs and a cow weighs 1600, and if there are 3 million head of cattle in the UK, it wiLL take 24 million gliders to transport aLL the moo-moo's, unless they are wiLLing to wait in line. In that case it wiLL only take one glider and a butcher working part time.

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    1. What about a very large glider Mr ESB, or two gliders and a full time vegetarian.

      Just think if we met in the street and had this discussion people would say we are mad. . . . . .

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    2. Yes. Mad. Or. Silly!

      ThankfuLLy at least one of us knows the answer is Silly!

      I started reading something Britishy, the novel Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld. My friend Jesus recommended it. For some reason he decided not to move away. I was hoping to get to see him on Saturday evening at the diner but he went to the fair, so I have to wait until tomorrow. I try to go to the diner on Saturday evening to be their last customer of the week, so I have a nice time chatting with the owner and the employees. IronicaLLy I order breakfast as the last meal of the week.

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    3. What?!?!? They make gliders in more than one size?

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    4. I think it is kinda like the change the light bulb joke, "How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?" - answer: just one, but the light bulb has to want to be changed.

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    5. You have been busy Mr ESB. If you are ordering the last meal of the week from Jesus surely it is the last supper rather than the last Breakfast. I am not entirely sure that the famous painting would have been quite the same with sausage bacon and eggs as a major component of its design.

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    6. OOO yes gliders do come in more than one size, so a large glider and a small cow maybe?

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    7. Oh, okay, large glider, and smaLL cow-sies, let's see, I would flip my original answer and say Eight Cows Per Glider. Since one cow equals 120 lemmings, that would be 963 lemmings. I factored in an additional 3 lemmings for pilot, co-pilot, and navigator, and 0 for air stewardesses as lemmings prefer to help themselves.

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    8. In regards to the last breakfast there was eggs, toast with grape jeLLy, hash brown potatoes, coffee, and orange juice. I should probably swing by there on my way downtown to work on shelving to enjoy my first GriLLed Chicken Sandwich of the week.

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    9. Oh, I forgot the sausage on the last breakfast.

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