Wednesday, 5 September 2012
A rolling head gathers no moose, or two heads are better than one
So here we are the start of yet another diary year three, it is amazing how time flies past. And today was the start of school again, it is strange but it is starting to feel like I have been at this school forever. It is one of those new academies now so it means everyone will get much better exam results and look neat and tidy. Well almost everybody, it appears I am banned from meeting the media and any photo shots on the grounds that I am a reminder of what was bad in the old school. So I am no longer allowed to invite zombies and banshees into the playground without written permission from the head. Luckily there is a severed head of a moose in the wood so I thought if I put a pen in its mouth and wrote a letter then that would be OK.
I get to be head boy this year too which is a surprise? I was not expecting to be one of them EVER, but the headmaster said it is a terrible clerical error and heads will roll. I did tell the headmaster that I have already tried rolling the moose’s head and it didn’t roll very well, so if he wants a head that will roll he needs to choose a head the right shape. It was just after that I could hear him going AAAAAAuuuuuuuuuuuggggHHHHHHH a lot and saying only five more year till I get my pension before locking himself in his office. It appears I have to work until I am 102 because due to some error in government calculations, and a large number of bankers and footballers running off with loads of money, all the pension funds are worth almost as much as a decomposing moose head in the woods. As you can see we spent part of our day doing politics with a new teacher who is quite young.
It appears as head boy on the first day back at school I get to say Grace at lunch time, but I don’t know who Grace is so I mentioned a whole load of other people instead, but about half way through the headmaster ran off going AAAAAAuuuuuuuuuuuggggHHHHHHH a lot again. I think he might be upset because now everyone has gone back to school the sun has come out and it is nice and warm.
Anyway I showed everyone a great picture of the severed decomposing moose head at lunch time because by shear coincidence it was strawberry mousse for pudding and in another amazing coincidence I found a mouse head in the chicken curry so that was WELL COOL. Only me and Freddie and the strange robot like person in the silver suit who bleeped a lot and drew pictures of some ancient mythical creature seemed to eat school lunch today. After I took the mouse head to show the headmaster, because I noticed it rolled really well, but he went AAAAAAuuuuuuuuuuuggggHHHHHHH a lot yet again…. I don’t know you do your best to help…. It appears that Mrs Harris has a head that rolls really well……
Oooooo we saw a helicopter today, we were told it was making sure we did not sneak off to the chip shop at lunchtime. Apparently this is normally the responsibility of the head boy but someone said he is an IDIOT…………… AH …….HANG ON?