Tuesday 17 July 2012

The very nice Steven Spielberg, The Weather Machine, Peanut Brittle and Pigeons


As the long term followers of my diary will know the very nice Steven Spielberg has given many words of advice such as “ROB you’re an IDIOT”,  and “GO AWAY”.  All very useful as we are still hopeful that the blockbuster movie of The Diary of Rob Z Tobor based on the best selling book will be Mr Steven Spielberg’s first slightly eccentric Art Movie. However I have been advised by the film company that it is time for the sad loss a key player.

So at school today the school mascot the Goat was being loaded into his travelling crate heading to his summer retreat led in by Esmeralda who he has learnt to trust this year, when there was a slip and before anyone could react it was too late. Yes the goat had eaten part of Esmeralda when she slipped in the mud. An ambulance was called and they have rushed her to hospital but it does not look good, the goat is a fast eater.  The Ambulance men are as I write having counselling as they don’t have to deal with people eaten by goats very often.

I was not there myself I was trying to convince the maths teacher that although we are on our last few days of the school year, he really should not be singing and dancing on his desk and making rude gestures at the pupils, after all we will all be back next year…… OK Esmeralda might not, well not all of her anyway.  Dad has said if she pulls through he will makes some steam powered parts for her much like he did for Pirate Pete.  And if she likes she can have six legs like Rusty the Dog.

The Headmaster is rather upset he says he has had enough agro dealing with the sacrificial sacrifice of a pupil to the goat, so the school goat eating two pupils in one term will be frowned on and bring back the school inspectors. So he has knobbed the school accident book and told us all to say it was a flock of pigeons heading south for the winter and Esmeralda had unfortunately been making peanut brittle in the cookery class. Well it is true Esmeralda is/was always a messy cook and that peanut brittle can get everywhere and it is certainly true pigeons love peanuts.




It also appears a mysterious man has offered dad loads of money if he makes his weather machine insure that the weather is sunny during the Olympics and has offered dad 50% of the profits from unsold Olympic tickets and said it will be looked on very favourably by certain people in certain places, and certain MI6 files will vanish nudge nudge….. I did think I should warn the mysterious man that dad’s weather machine is rubbish. But dad says if all goes well he will be able to sell them for loads and say ‘As used to manipulate the Olympic weather, recommended by a Mr Coo (sorry that’s the pigeons I mean Coe)”.  And he will be able to put Olympic rings on his weather machines and a picture of Elvis?

Oooooo I had Jumbo Haddock for tea ………. JUMBO……. Is someone manipulating trading standards. I know they say fish stocks are getting a bit low but there are bigger newts in our pond……. I had to eat two jumbo haddock not a newt. 


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17 comments:

  1. I have watched Chariots of Fire many times, something on the order of twenty. I own it on DVD, that particular two disc set, and I saw it multiple times in the theatre when it first came out.

    I have done some rectangle art a long time ago on computer. I would do some in a monochrome overlapping somewhat random, sometimes mathematicaLLy precise staging, and then checkerboard the whole thing. I enjoy being an abstract artist.

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    1. Yes I thought I would like to use the Olympic Rings but then I thought I don't think those Olympic folk are very nice, they use sledge hammers to crack nuts and someone said I was nuts so..........AH... DAMN

      I too have done some abstract painting in the past but I don't think I have any images to hand to post on the blog and it can be tough being an abstract artist although not as hard as making of cardboard sculpture....

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    2. I keep my abstract work in a separate blog:

      artofesbboston.blogspot.com

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    3. I have had a little look in the past I must revisit again soooooooon. its time i dont have enough to do stuff...

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  2. It would actually be amazing if in 10 years, your diary was a best seller and Spielberg approached you to direct your life story. Imagine......

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    1. I have to wait ten years ........DAMN

      still on the bright side my target of one million words will be well met by then...

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    2. Perhaps you should try George Lucas instead of Steven Spielberg, or both at the same time. That way when George and Steven are having lunch sometime your name could come up in conversation between them, thereby increasing your chances of fame, stardom, word domination ... Hold it, I meant world domination, ... And big time money. But you could start off with word domination. I think this is how the country of the Dominican Republic got started. One day a guy named Dominic was out in public and enjoyed the day so much, that he told himself, "Self, you need, no, you CAN do this again tomorrow!" and the neXt day the Dominic Can RePublic was born. But thankfuLLy he only did this once, otherwise there could have been a Dominic Can ReRePublic.

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    3. I might try a bit of word domination at present one or two of them are fighting back.

      I believe Miss Ana who formed the Ana Republic had all sorts of problems with protest groups shouting

      "BanAna Republic"

      HAH HAHAH HAh hah hahahhah hahah hahah hhhah hahahhhahhahah ha

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    4. BanAna Republic - truly hahahahaha

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  3. Poor Esmeralda! Although she was more psychotic than little Ophelia could ever be, I am sorry for her loss...just what parts she actually did lose, I'm not sure but I'm sorry she lost them all the same.

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    1. Thanks Miss Lily, I am not good at anatomy but she has a few bits missing. At present they are waiting to see if anything reusable returns out of the goat ........... YUCK .....

      In the meantime she is still hanging in there or is it...... things are still hanging out of Esmeralda.......YUCK again .......

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  4. I think this Mr Spielberg fella needs to pull his finger and this film made lickerty split.

    I seem to remember that last year sometime he said he believed the world would end in 2012 and was going to stop making movies and stuff 'cos there would be nobody left to watch them.

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    1. I think that rumour came about because he told my agent something like that, apparently hoping my agent would go away. I blame those horses they have messed with Mr Spielberg's mind. They told him to 'Make hay as the sun shone' but it was all a ploy to get on the stage rather than pull the stagecoach. The horses say they have the ghost of John Wayne telling them what to do and it is all his fault (or Foal-T).... HAH HAHHAHAHH HAh hah haha hahhahah aha

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  5. Steven will come around. Just be patient. I mean, how could he not, right? And - not to be all "yay me" or anything - I make AMAZING peanut brittle. The best in the world, I'm pretty sure.

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    1. Well Miss Stephanie, I think you should do a peanut brittle post on your own blog about that because if true that is Awesome...... And I for one have no reason to doubt you..

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  6. Love that bit about the mysterious man and the weather machine!

    Thanks for dropping by the
    A to Z Challenge Blog and we have guest spots open if you are interested.

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    1. As I have mentioned in the past I do not have a clue how guess spots work, so I will have to give that a miss. But thanks

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