Tuesday, 17 July 2012
The very nice Steven Spielberg, The Weather Machine, Peanut Brittle and Pigeons
As the long term followers of my diary will know the very nice Steven Spielberg has given many words of advice such as “ROB you’re an IDIOT”, and “GO AWAY”. All very useful as we are still hopeful that the blockbuster movie of The Diary of Rob Z Tobor based on the best selling book will be Mr Steven Spielberg’s first slightly eccentric Art Movie. However I have been advised by the film company that it is time for the sad loss a key player.
So at school today the school mascot the Goat was being loaded into his travelling crate heading to his summer retreat led in by Esmeralda who he has learnt to trust this year, when there was a slip and before anyone could react it was too late. Yes the goat had eaten part of Esmeralda when she slipped in the mud. An ambulance was called and they have rushed her to hospital but it does not look good, the goat is a fast eater. The Ambulance men are as I write having counselling as they don’t have to deal with people eaten by goats very often.
I was not there myself I was trying to convince the maths teacher that although we are on our last few days of the school year, he really should not be singing and dancing on his desk and making rude gestures at the pupils, after all we will all be back next year…… OK Esmeralda might not, well not all of her anyway. Dad has said if she pulls through he will makes some steam powered parts for her much like he did for Pirate Pete. And if she likes she can have six legs like Rusty the Dog.
The Headmaster is rather upset he says he has had enough agro dealing with the sacrificial sacrifice of a pupil to the goat, so the school goat eating two pupils in one term will be frowned on and bring back the school inspectors. So he has knobbed the school accident book and told us all to say it was a flock of pigeons heading south for the winter and Esmeralda had unfortunately been making peanut brittle in the cookery class. Well it is true Esmeralda is/was always a messy cook and that peanut brittle can get everywhere and it is certainly true pigeons love peanuts.
It also appears a mysterious man has offered dad loads of money if he makes his weather machine insure that the weather is sunny during the Olympics and has offered dad 50% of the profits from unsold Olympic tickets and said it will be looked on very favourably by certain people in certain places, and certain MI6 files will vanish nudge nudge….. I did think I should warn the mysterious man that dad’s weather machine is rubbish. But dad says if all goes well he will be able to sell them for loads and say ‘As used to manipulate the Olympic weather, recommended by a Mr Coo (sorry that’s the pigeons I mean Coe)”. And he will be able to put Olympic rings on his weather machines and a picture of Elvis?
Oooooo I had Jumbo Haddock for tea ………. JUMBO……. Is someone manipulating trading standards. I know they say fish stocks are getting a bit low but there are bigger newts in our pond……. I had to eat two jumbo haddock not a newt.