Russian Spies, Miss Goldilocks and the Wicked Witch of the West

I am off later to collect the Cultural Olympian, my contribution to the Cultural Olympiad art thing that is rambling away in various parts of Britain at present. It has been very popular although most people seem to think it is a metal sculpture not a cardboard sculpture, and need to be told otherwise. Anyway that is later. So I may get back about this if things go to plan.

I have been told that my diary is like a fairly tale only rubbish with no plot and no decent moral ending as the hero and the princess get eaten by Zombies. Hang on this is at the end of the book so I haven’t told you that yet; that is the big surprise ending ……. AH OK it was the big surprise ending……….. DAMN sorry DAM, I seem to have started to use the right one by mistake.

Anyway at school we were asked to write a fairy tale based on what was happening outside the big classroom windows which look out over the rolling fields toward the cricket pitch and the big lake beyond, so I did…….

Once upon a time there was a young Russian spy called Miss Goldilocks, Goldilocks was her code name her real name was Miss Fionaski. However no one is allowed to know that Miss Fionaski’s codename is Golilocks or I will be in serious trouble like the wacky-leaks man……….AH. DAM.  

Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian Spy

One day Miss Goldilocks was happily skipping across the field with her shortwave radio and codebook when she was approached by The Wicked Witch of the West who said “HAR HAR HAR HARDY HAR”, no hang on that’s the wrong story she went “HA HA HAH HAHAH Hah hah aha hah hahaha hah hahhahah ………… ………. …….HAH AHHAH HA H HAH AHAH Hah ah hah h hh hahhaha haha …..Is that a short wave radio and codebook Goldilocks because we don’t like them here in the WEST” Miss Goldilocks was frightened because The Wicked Witch of the West was spraying strange substances at the grass all around Miss Goldilocks which hissed and smouldered and horrible fumes drifted around Miss Goldilocks.

But Miss Goldilocks bravely said “This is a public right of way I always come here to transmit my messages at three minutes before mid-day every Sunday and Wednesday, and look that Song Thrush looks a bit poorly now”. The Wicked Witch of the West just laughed Hysterically though “HAH HAHHAH HHAH hahHAH HHHHAH Hhah hah hahh ha……HAH hHAH HAH HAH HAH Hhah hah haha hah ha” and so Miss Golilocks ran all the way home and sent a coded message that said

The seagulls are sitting on the lake playing cricket the ball has been hit out of bounds in the fields, send more puffins and vodka. The Witch is Mad……..     

It was at this point I was distracted by the image of the goat as he sailed through the air towards the out of town supermarket………. And people think none of this is true …..IDIOTS. 

I know its Sunday I shouldn't be at School but I get confused 

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