Monday 21 May 2012

The Queen the wasps and the curtains


The school master has left a suggestion box in the main hall for ideas on how the school should celebrate the arrival of the Olympics and the Queens sixty years as Queen. As you know I am already committed to making the Cultural Olympian, although he will not be allowed near the school, not because he is banned but I am not foolish enough to let a bedlam of school children near it? What is the plural for a school full of school children? I’m sure it must be a bedlam.

Anyway the first suggestion that I have put in the box is to have a run with all the participants dressed as queens. Apparently according to Esmeralda that could go terribly wrong and thinks the headmaster will reject that straight away.

 
Ah the wrong Queen Elizabeth............DAM 

I have also suggested we could make a giant wicker queen and set fire to it with Olympic torches, but Freddie thinks that sounds a bit satanic, I did say it’s the queen and the queen is not Satanic …….. AH apparently someone says they think she might be because she never goes to the toilet……… I didn’t know that.

Maybe we could have five huge ring cakes and have scantily clad queens leap out of them………AH OK I am told that we would have our heads chopped off or alternatively Esmeralda says it might end up like the run with the wrong type of queens?. This is trickier than it might appear because the risk is that we end up with a street party eating burgers and hog roast and lemonade, waving flags like they did in 1284 and 1572 and 1784 and 1832 and 1912 and 1963 and 1981 and 2000 and 2005, (sorry I had to guess those dates because sometimes the research is just not worth it).

For reasons that I do not understand it appears that several wasps are interested in the curtains by the sliding doors that go from the dinning room to the little decked area outside the dinning room. These are not posh curtains (or wasps or doors for that matter), we inherited them from the little old lady who used to live here (not the wasps….I think?). In fact no one would mind if the wasps wanted them and ran off with them. The dog has just said “interesting, the wasps are drawn to the curtains” and has fallen about on the floor in hysterics, I have thought about telling the dog to pull himself together but I think it would just make matters worse, as it is I have made it worse by saying “It seams sow” and the dog has added maybe they are blind or possibly venetian. I just tried to tell him to stop by he says he needs to take the window of opportunity when its open  and thinks all the wasps have a glazed look in their eyes.

Enough of that I have to go out shortly to a meeting about the queen that I thought was on a different day so ***********. This therefore is it I‘m off now.


11 comments:

  1. I think having a run dressed as queens is a great idea. Or, a race! Even better, several queens racing for the top queen spot! Plus, seeing a load of people running around dressed as queens would be entertaining.

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    1. I quite agree I put it to the village jubilee committee tonight at the meeting which apparently is next week, so I now have to go to that meeting too (NOT FAIR). It appears a small traditional hamlet in the wilds of Shropshire is not yet ready for sprinting queens yet.

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    1. The Ghost Writer did but he is a grumpy mad bloke who thinks he knows all about computers. Me I'm an eccentric child so the 50's ooooo that seems like ages ago.

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  3. Sixty years on the throne...she must really have a problem with her bowel movements.

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    1. No No I think Queens have problems with their Vowel movements, it a royal thing

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  4. My suggestion is that the Olympics should neVer move. They Olympics could stiLL be held in a wide variety of places. We would just need to hook a bunch of helium balloons onto the Olympics to raise them above the planet Earth a few feet (high enough to avoid trees, bridges, and power lines, and then simply rotate the entire planet so the new Olympic City is Cit-uated directly beneath the floaty Olympicness, then simply get Cupid to shoot arrows at the helium balloons so the Olympics gently come down onto the new place. Can I go outside and play now? My head is tired. No I think I need, yes, I need a nap. No, I know I now need .... a nap. I woke s'ddenly just now, and this comment was half finished.

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    1. I quite understand Mr ESB so I will write half a response. I thought I might write half a response to the half a comment you have not written, that way the comments will make the whole or as some of my readers my see it a hole. Not a black hole although in my experience holes tend to be blacker than the thing they are a hole in, I think scientifically there must be a reason for that. After all a black hole in space which is also black surely can not be blacker than the blackness of space where it allegedly exists, however it is true that.........

      OK Mr ESB I feel I have reached half a comment now so I will depart to eat home-made chicken and leak pie YUM

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    2. Leek, sorry the pie is not leaking

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  5. No wasps here as yet, the season may bring some,but I do have some flies, that may be venetian.

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    1. There are quite a few wasps about here and they seem rather large and aggressive, I hope they calm down as we enter summer. And we also have loads of flies about.......

      I think I have just destroyed the Shropshire tourist boards work for the year

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