Tuesday, 8 May 2012

The Goat and the Moon and the Archers


At school today the super moon was discussed, the result of the moon passing close to the earth and clipping the secret short wave radio mast on the roof of our house that mum communicates with her spy friends with. And which I am under strict instructions not to mention in my diary……….. ………. AH, mum has said IDIOT now. The result of course was Esmeralda was out trying to catapult the school mascot (the goat, I realise there are new people following in cyberspace these days unaware of the goat) into the path of the moon. It is all very well but then the maths teacher used this to get us to calculate possible angles and velocities in order to achieve her goal.

The outcome of all the calculation seemed to be threefold

1 the Maths teacher was well happy and in his element scribbling lines of trajectory on the blackboard for hours

2 The goat was happy as during the daily trials he landed, as he has many times, in the fresh vegetable section of the out of town supermarket. They have banned the goat several times but his entry though the skylight is always a surprise to the manager.

3 We have finally proved that even with the moon skimming dead low, so that we all need to duck as it shots over, Esmeralda’s Steam powered catapult is just not good enough. And as the headmaster has banned rockets after the last incident where governments got a bit grumpy.  Despite the goat holding the altitude record for a goat in a rocket giving the school is greatest achievement to date     

4 …. AH……… no one expects the Spanish Inquisition


Once I got home I found Sooty the Cat had a baby Thrush and although I managed to get it from him it was in shock and the poor little mite died (Sooty is now told off). As it happened just after that mum planted cat mint and both Sooty the Cat and Heavy Harry the Cat were well spaced out trying to sniff it. In the end the plant was surrounded in canes to stop them destroying it…….. The dog said IDIOTS; he says that but you try and get his favourite Russian Vodka off him and he is just the same.  And the lambs in the small holding behind the house were running up and down the field like demented loony’s, there were about fiffy of them so it was rather amusing and me and the dog had a small bet. Sadly as ever I lost, thinking about in hind sight saying “I think the black sheep will win” was OK until the dog said “I think the white sheep will win”. Bearing in mind there was only one black sheep. 



O my God my diary has turned into an episode of The Archers tonight how did that happen (if you are an international reader and are unaware of the radio program The Archers………… Lucky B**********)

12 comments:

  1. Ok...the image of your school goat doing various catapulted flights gives me the chuckles. Now I don't know about the Archers, but I liked the comic. (and Ringo in the audience.)

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    1. I dont know about the comic although I did find some bloke called Prince Zuko on Google but he appears to be a grumpy soul. And not a lover of catapulted goats, as for Ringo, I am more a Ginger Baker fan.

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  2. Please please teLL me the neXt the moon is going to be passing close to the earth. I plan to gooutin my backyard and stand there jumping up in the air until I actuaLLy touch the month. I wiLL jump aLL night long if I have to without stopping, unless there is some emergency, like a bathroom break, rattlesnake, or a grassfire. Oopz, I noticed that sentence should have started "I plan to go out in ..." - I think I was just so very eXcited 'bout touching the moon in outer space that I forgot to put those two spaces between those three words. I just realized how much prejudice Apple corporation has against space because aLL the keys on my iPad are labeled eXcept the space key. Again, I am just so eXcited 'bout touching the moon, maybe I'll write a little moon touching song, oh, goodie!

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    1. Sorry, that should have been "teLL me WHEN the moon is passing close to the earth". I hate that when I forget to when. Its never a when when situation. Hahahahaha ...

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    2. Oh, I realized after proof reading that was supposed to be touch the moon, not touch the month. Moon, month, moon, month, hmmm, I can no realize now how I confused or maybe fused those two words in my lil bwain. I know, I should probably change it to "moth", stand out in the backyard jumping until I touch a moth, that would be eXtremely easy! Moth Jumping, it should be an Olympic sport, maybe even a team sport! With guns, too, like the buy-athlon.

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    3. Touching moons is difficult, I think it requires people with strong arms. In fact in the old days people would be named after their jobs so Mr Clark was a clark, Mr Tailor was a tailor, Mr Archer was an archer and Mr Armstrong was a man with strong arms.

      So in order for a man to touch the moon it is best if he is called Mr Armstrong.

      It might also be better if the man was kneeling on something tall because the moon moves quite fast, if he was standing when his hand came into contact with the moon the inertia and friction between the moon and his hand would flip him onto his back. So what is required is a kneeling man with strong arms....

      Therefore we can conclude from this that the best chance that the human race has of a man touching the moon is likely to be someone called Neil Armstrong. Its a bit of a long shot and I am betting my money on the goat.


      Well Mr ESB real life can be very strange, here I am typing about a man called Neil Armstrong and through the mail (the paper one) has just come an offer to subscribe to a Magazine called Apollo....... wierd or what?

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    4. If you want to know how eXceedingly brilliant I am at detecting The Goofiness of our literary style, just as soon as I saw the word kneeling, I felt a strange tingle go through my spidie senses and felt, hmm, kneel and armstrong and moon, so by the end of the third paragraph I was already betting you were headed towards a Neil Armstrong close encounter of the absurd kind.

      Hah!

      You did goodly.

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    5. That is very kind of you to say so Mr ESB and also why you are one of the RATs.

      Logically there should be thousands of like thinkers in the world of cyberspace but how does one connect with them

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  3. It sounds like you live on an Ark. I've never head the full Archers theme before, just 'Tad a da da' bit on the show.

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    1. Funnily I sort of do live on an Ark, but it is a cyberspace Ark, although influenced by the strange happening of real life and its interactions with cyberspace . Once the void between cyberspace and reality vanishes then those of us on the Ark will be the first to colonize the brave new world.

      Our first law, the banishment of The Archers.

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