Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Ramplestiltskin and the giant English essay

I got a gold star for my English essay today which was meant to be called A study of legends and fairy tales in fiction today. The teacher said it was not what she was expecting. So I thought I would let you read it. Mum said she thought the ending was great.

Once apon a time a very long time ago in the land of the Jabberwocky and the banyan tree there was a big bad wolf who was being chased by three pigs wearing red riding hoodies, the poor old wolf was so puffed in the end he couldn’t even blow down a straw house. He was desperate to find somewhere to hide so a girl called Goldilocks said he could crash out in the squat she was in and that night he stayed there, only the bed was so small it broke. The wolf was well upset because Goldilocks had two beds and both were much bigger. Then in the morning she gave him a bowl of porridge but he burnt his mouth because it was so dam hot. He explained they were weird pigs because they had very big eyes and she said all the better to see you with Ha HA HA. At which point the three pigs with the red riding hoodies came round the corner. Luckily for the wolf there was a pantomime cow outfit to hand and he put in on. As the Wolf escaped in disguise he bumped into a farmer who wanted a pantomime cow outfit for the young farmers panto in the market and the wolf sold it to the farmer for a goose which the farmer said laid golden eggs. The Wolf didn’t care what colour they were he thought it tasted great. The farmer also gave the Wolf some beans which the wolf threw away saying YUK beans.

Anyway the beans rapidly grew into a huge beanstalk which was just as well because the red riding hoodies turned up so the wolf climbed up the beanstalk to get away, pigs are rubbish at climbing. As he was climbing he met a couple called Jack and Jill who kindly gave the wolf a bucket of water to drink. He asked how far it was to the top but some Grand Old Duke of York said he was neither up nor down. The wolf said thanks but really that is of no help. Then some lad passed him going down very quickly with an axe shouting something about a giant, then to make things worse the lad starts to chop the beanstalk down, but just before the wolf thinks he is a goner and the red riding hoodies will finally get him they (the red riding hoodies) are all squashed by a giant falling from above. And they all had a big party eating hog roast cooked up by some bloke called Rumplestiltskin who said guess my name and you can have bacon butties on the house.  Everyone said Rumplestiltskin because it said Rumplestiltskin Catering on his van. Well everyone except Repunzel who got it wrong and the giant said IDIOT.     

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