Saturday, 28 May 2011
The madness of cats and fortunes in hedges
Heavy Harry the Cat is proving he is a real cat by catching mice and bringing them to show us which is sort of OK but he lets them go in the house and they run away. Sooty the Cat is just making a lot of noise and driving everyone mad still. We think he might have been abandoned because he was driving his last owner mad.
Because Sooty has had a tough time we are all walking about smiling and saying we must be nice it will stop meowing in the end because no one can meow for ever. Even Stickinsect (otherwise known as Rusty) the Robot Dog has put cotton wool in his ears and he was only switched on yesterday. Pirate Pete the dog and the robot dog have vanished off to the wood to see The Dark Creature of the Undergrowth and the Banshee’s because they said AAAAAUuuuuuuuuuuuugh Sooty is driving us mad. I was going to go with them but I have been given the task of finding all the mice that Heavy Harry keeps turning up with in the house. Mum and dad have gone off to the shops they said there were things they needed and that Sooty was sort of AAAAAUuuuuuuuuuuuugh so they needed to go out. Heavy Harry has said AAAAAUuuuuuuuuuuuugh too and has run off again to hunt mice. So its just me and Sooty the Cat now, AAAAAUuuuuuuuuuuuugh; and mice
Sooty is rubbish at catching mice because he keeps meowing at them so I am trying to round them up and put then in the oldest and thickest part of the hedge where nothing except tiny things can go. I always put all the mice that Heavy Harry catches there because it is impossible for cats or humans or much else to catch them again. The Nanobot family that live under my bed told me once that Great Uncle George the famous Nonobot explorer once entered the old and ancient thickest parts of our hedge to look for lost tribes and buried fortune. He never found any lost tribes only lots of mice but he did find a silver thimble and an old sixpence in the temple the mice had built in the middle of the hedge where a small shaft of light could enter each year on summer solstice. He was able to negotiate with the mice and traded a large piece of English Cheddar Cheese for the thimble and the sixpence. He was then able to return home and live off his fortune for many years as well as do the lecture circuit showing slides and he also did the odd appearance on TV, living life as a minor celebrity until it all went wrong when he was eaten by a Bull Frog on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Sadly for the Nanobot family this episode was never shown on television so they never got to see his final wave just before the frog swallowed him.
I am off now to put cotton wool in my ears