Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Jamie Oliver the school tunnel and fish and chips
Sooty the Cat has made it into the house now Heavy Harry the Cat is pretending it does not exist, easier said than done when it makes so much noise; it appears to be like Heavy Harry and the dog and wants to eat all the time. It’s only tiny too. The dog is also a bit annoyed that one of the goldfish ate the three Water Buffalo but he has decided he will not swim in the goldfish pond any longer just in case.
Pirate Pete was telling me when I got back from school how a huge sea monster ate his legs when he was made to walk the plank in the old days when he accidently added gun power to a stew he was making for the crew instead of black pepper and accidently blew up the ships canteen and catering staff. Forcing the crew to live of fish paste sandwiches for weeks on end until he accidently left musket shot in the captains sandwich and the captain lost a few teeth. And despite the crew saying it gave the captain a rugged pirate about town image the captain made Pirate Pete walk the plank because the captain hated soup and was forced to eat fish soup through a straw for a while.
While Pirate Pete was fighting the huge sea monster he said he tried to shoot it with his musket but his purse full of gun powder turned out to be black pepper. Luckily (sort of) for Pirate Pete the sea monster hated black pepper so when it swallowed it along with Pirate Pete’s legs it hated the taste so much it threw Pirate Pete back on the pirate ship. So he was allowed to live on the grounds that someone somewhere was looking after him and the captain did not want to upset the sea gods.
School was quiet today class 7G are building a tunnel from the back of the assembly hall into town, planning to emerge behind the recycling bins in the car park next to the Fish and Chip shop. They say it all the fault of that Mr Jamie Oliver man who cooks on the television who wants everyone to eat healthily (YUK) because the headmaster has banned everyone from going into town now. So far the tunnel has been going quite well and they think they must be getting close to the end. The Geography teacher who is the inside man as he likes fish and chips too (he is not allowed them at home because he has a dodgy heart) says it’s the best use of a car satellite navigation system he has every come across. Class 7G also used Google Earth to pin point the right place for the tunnel to emerge from. The class are using this as their exam project and the Geography teacher has promised them all top grade passes as long as he gets battered Cod and double chips with mussy peas and extra salt and vinegar by the end of the month. Poor old Franky of 7G whose eyesight is bad keeps picking up pins in the corridor and telling the rest of class 7G he can see really well even a pin over there and he will be fine if he can go and buy fish and chips at the end of the tunnel, but the rest of class 7g keep saying IDIOT.