Saturday, 30 April 2011

Being Eco friendly, Owls, Harry Potter and the sad departure of Flipper the Wood Mouse.

I had a bonfire today, Ik=like…. …. … Sorry I like bonfires loads. My typing error Ik=like according to the dog is a subconscious message that I should visit the butchers and get a very large bone. It is a mathematical message which means it must be for the dog as I am rubbish at maths. Mum says I should just carry on typing as I am rubbish at typing and the subconscious message is I’m rubbish at typing


Mum has also said having bonfires is not eco friendly, but as dad says being eco friendly is a short term view of things and we have to look at the whole picture and consider the long term. In the long term planet Earth will be swallowed up by the Sun when it turns into a red dwarf star (a bit like a garden gnome but larger and hotter) and at that point the Earth will be a huge blob of molten stuff, mainly iron. So saving everything so it can be turned into a molten blob is not a good idea and we are best to burn it all now in a controlled environment where we can all have fun and roast chestnuts. Napoleon Beelzebub always says you can’t have too much fire he even boo’s when the fire brigade go by.

 Yet again a sunny day if this carries on we will run out of water and we will have lots of hose pipe bans and we will run out of food and when we make the block buster movie we will have to resort to eating inconsequential non-speaking walk on extra’s to survive. Maybe Sam Peckinpah should make the movie after all he would be good at that bit as well as the exploding squirrels.

Flipper the Wood Mouse, Mrs Flipper, the children and their partners all the grandchildren and a whole load of other Wood Mice who Flipper says are his brothers and sisters families have decided they are leaving home. Flipper says our house is just not big enough so they are going to live in the wood which makes sense as they are all Wood Mice. Pirate Pete although a little sad says he will no longer need to try and remember all their names now.  He was talking of getting a pet Owl but Flipper says he does not think that’s a good idea, and mum says we will look even more like that Harry Potter bloke from Hagworts if Pirate Pete has an Owl sitting on his shoulder saying Pieces of Eight and yo ho ho Polly wants a wood mouse. Pirate Pete said NOT FAIR.

Today is a very special day and it is nice to see the town has gone to all the trouble to hang out bunting and Union Jacks. Even me mum dad the dog Pirate Pete all the wood mice, Mr and Mrs Jenkins and Napoleon Beelzebub are all going to celebrate with a glass of hot chocolate with cream and hundreds and thousands sprinkled on it. Yes it has finally happened we have reached 100,000 words in the manuscript of the book of the diary; quite a feat for an average family in a small rural town on the borders of Wales leading a quiet unassuming lifestyle. Many thanks to all those who have contributed so far and remain loyal followers of our simple tale.

Fiona Knight                Well done Rob, you really have used a lot of words, I like words especially funny words. Looks like you have been doing your homework over the Easter holidays as you have really paid attention to learning about the upcoming fireball which ...some people think will be next Christmas, so really there is no need to recycle anymore as those biodegradable carrier bags will still not have disappeared by then, but setting fire to everything will cause another smog and we will not be able to see where we are going and bump into many things. Even without the smog I bumped into my garden owl today he said it was TooHotToWoo, I never mentioned Pirate Pete
some people think will be next Christmas, so really there is no need to recycle anymore as those biodegradable carrier bags will still not have disappeared by then, but setting fire to everything will cause another smog and we will not be able to see where we are going and bump into many things. Even without the smog I bumped into my garden owl today he said it was TooHotToWoo, I never mentioned Pirate Pete

I was lead to believe the fireball would happen during the 2012 London Olympics ceremony when the last torch bearer accidently slips as he is about to light the Olympic flame causing a big bang and lots of fire leading to a chain reaction of smouldering marathon runners igniting things up to a radius of twenty six miles from the stadium. Just like the Great Fire or London last time.

Fiona Knight                Did your Joules Verne Pocket Oracle predict this or have you found some of my conspiracy papers which I seem to have mislaid?

Elaine Kerley                Love your stories!

Its all true sort of just embellished slightly; well quite a lot....

Paul Nessman               Al Gore told me that the fire ball that consumes the earth will happen because we are all burning too much. He asked for some money for having shared this wisdom with me, but I told him that I would rather burn it.

I burnt all my money once to see how it would feel. Luckily dad printed some more for me the following day. He said I should not tell people on FB or my blog about it though ......... AH

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