Saturday, 5 March 2011

Bonfires, steam powered legs and posh new places to eat

It has been a nice day today so we were all out tidying the garden we even had our first bonfire of the year. Because it got down to minus fourteen C at one point in the winter quite a few plants and one or two pots are goners, so me and Pirate Pete sorted them out while dad tried to fix the lawn after the mole spending the winter digging it up.

The dog was stretched out on the patio on his back trying to sun bath which was a bit ambitious because it was not really that sunny, mum said he was just being lazy today but sometimes it is best to let a dog be lazy if it wants to be.  Pirate Pete decided that because he has his bionic steam powered legs that dad made him, made of steel he would be able to walk on hot coals like they do in India and it would be a great party trick. So once the bonfire settled down a bit (dad always likes to add lots of petrol and a few fireworks) we raked the embers into little path for him to walk on. It was really good at first he as able to walk up and down and even stand still and drink his rum with the odd flame between his toes. But of course his legs are steam powered and his legs got quite hot; well very hot and made extra steam and Pirate Pete then found his legs started running round the garden really fast, well very fast. It was well impressive he started off with an eight and a half second one hundred metres which was  a new world record, then he was unable to turn to stay in the garden and he vanished up the road. Unfortunately he overtook a police car it chased him them because he was running faster than the speed limit but he escaped down a narrow ally and finally got back to the garden and was able to stop because by then his legs had cooled down. He did say he was rather tired and said next time he will spend a bit less time on the embers. Mum did also point out that he had burnt off the bottom half of his trousers and they would need to be thrown away now, Pirate Pete said he rather liked his raggerty half burnt knee length trousers. Me and dad said maybe we could have some raggerty half burnt knee length trousers like Pirate Pete but mum said IDIOTS

There is a posh new place to eat opening in town tonight and to launch it the new owners have invited all the movers and shakers of our little town to the grand opening, in fact they have invited everybody to the grand opening. Well that is a lot of people at least two thousand I think, and it looks like they all might go; but it probably only holds a couple of hundred people so we are not going tonight and plan to visit in a few days when the guests stop fighting (that always happens in posh new places to eat with too many people in them). Mum is also going to have to break the news to the dog that they will not let the dog in., not like Big Bill’s Greasy Fur Ball CafĂ©, the dog has his own reserved table.

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